Post-Holidays

We survived Christmas and New Years, a little worn and broken, but healing and taking care of each other. This year will stand out for years to come. So much has changed or IS changing this year. I won't discuss the changes in the rest of the family, things that do effect us, but things that I don't feel comfortable sharing for the world to see. However, I will discuss our changes.

The first, most obvious change is this house. It is straight from God! We had been hosting whatever family gatherings we could manage in our tiny 2 bedroom apartment with limited seating and very limited kitchen. We got by. We managed. We had a couch and a love seat for seating, but we also brought in beach chairs and an ottoman as needed for extra seating in the cramped little living room.

Our new place is much better for entertaining, and we have had a gathering at least once a weekend every weekend since/including the weekend we moved in. I'm sure those gatherings will thin out once we get into mid-February, and then they'll pick back up with the warm weather (considering our beautiful pool). I'm just thankful to be so blessed with this place!

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Now, what else has changed/is changing? Well... I got that referral to the specialist, the best in town. I saw him a few days after Christmas. He was very encouraging and saw the things I had been saying for years. He sent me to a lab for some blood tests to fill out the rest of the picture on my condition (because there are a couple of things associated with what he (and me, Matt, my WONDERFUL Knightdale doctor, etc.) thinks I have. I went to the lab for those tests yesterday, so we're waiting for those results.

In the past, I would be on pins and needles at this point, anxious for an answer. After 6+ years of this though, the testing and diagnosis don't concern me. I know I'm in good hands and I know the answers will just lead us down the appropriate path. I'm just relieved to have a medical team who knows what I'm saying, recognizes the signs and symptoms, and knows to get me tested for these associated things that would also tie into the other things I've experienced over the years, especially those darn fainting episodes (poor Mr. Lambert -- that's one thing I'm sure he never forgot).

So where will we go from here? Well after we get the results (probably a couple weeks from now), we will meet with the doctor and discuss the diagnosis and treatment options. Most likely, I will be put on a medication to get things started. The doctor is very optimistic that things will go pretty smoothly after that. I'm going to follow suit and be optimistic as well. The pins and needles and anxiety will come with all the pregnancy tests. After years like this, you tend to go into them thinking you know that you aren't pregnant, but in the time it takes for the result (just a couple minutes), your mind switches to, "Well, what if it's positive? Wouldn't that be great?!" That's where the trouble comes in. Hopefully and prayerfully, it won't be trouble for long.

Good things are coming. Things are looking up. God answers prayers. One way or another, we will be parents. Even if I just get a diagnosis that says we can't have them after all, at least I will have my answer, my closure, and can move on to foster parenting or maybe adoption. I'm trusting that the doctor is right for now though, and I'm keeping that hope alive until I have a reason not to.

I have 3 relatives who were never able to have children and didn't end up adopting, but instead they invested themselves further into their extended families. There are always options.

For now, I'm trusting the medical team, endowed with God-given intelligence and skills, and God himself. God knows best. I just have to let go and let God.

Prayerfully yours,
Ash

**Forgot to add this...

Y'all know how nuts I go for coincidences/"signs". There was a picture that hung on my wall through most of my childhood: Renoir's "A Girl With a Watering Can", 1876. I always loved that picture. I haven't seen it anywhere outside of my parents' home in YEARS. Where did I see it now? It was hanging in my fertility specialist's office -- his actual office, where we had our consultation. Love that. :)